1st Day of School, Easter, and Time

What a week! Such a whirlwind and I can’t believe another week has passed. Brayden’s had a great week. After his Oncologist increased the dosage on his medicine that helps with the Neuropathy in his legs, we saw an amazing difference. He’s not complained nearly as much about the leg pain and we were so relieved to see him able to get around a bit easier before his big return to school. That first morning back was a flurry of activity. A truly special moment was our little drive to school, windows down, breathing in the spring air, listening to the creek as we passed by, having our morning prayer. He said, “Just like the old times, huh, Mom?” Yep – and I wouldn’t want it any other way. What a blessing, what a miracle. As I was treasuring the quiet moments, we pulled into the school parking lot and I reach for my camera and realize…Brayden is GONE! He tore off through the parking lot as I yelled after him. I guess the anticipation was just too much. I trailed behind him hearing all the kiddos in the hallway telling each other, “Brayden’s back!” It was so special! His teacher from last year gave me a hug and was grinning from ear to ear. I was glad she was able to fill me in on what I missed. Brayden had burst through his classroom door announcing, “I’m BAAAACK!” Too funny. So there aren’t many pictures for me to share, but I’ll share what I can!

The two half-days back were so full of activity and excitement. The kids were so supportive and so excited to have him back. We played a little trick on him while the kids sang Happy Birthday to him at lunch, even though he wasn’t staying. There were so many wonderful moments. He was drinking it all in and seeing him beaming was doing my heart good and I could tell from him the enjoyment of being back at his school with all his friends, his classmates, his teacher, was also doing his heart good. The long Easter weekend was a good break to see how his stamina would hold out. We were able to have a celebration dinner with our family for his birthday. Due to his counts, we had to put any get-togethers on hold from before. We had a fun dinner at World Garden and Aunt Stephanie had some yummy birthday cupcakes waiting for us at her house. He was so cute seeing him love on his cousins he hadn’t been able to see in a while.

Friday we headed out for my Grandparents’ in Oklahoma. It’s so peaceful there. Just seeing the beautiful land, hearing the birds, smelling the fresh air rejuvenated both me and Brayden. He’s decided he wants to move there and of course, Grandma would LOVE to have us closer! I was so glad she was able to see him so healthy. She hadn’t seen him through the hair loss, Radiation effects, and the last 4 months when it had been so tough to see him and there was no denying the impact his treatment protocol was having on him. Even though it had been a while, I know the wait was a good thing and it was good for her to see him with lots of hair and looking so much healthier than before. Brayden loved getting to be in a hotel – just me and him – that night. Dad had to work, so we were on our own. The next morning, we headed over to Bryan’s family’s house to hang out, dye Easter eggs, have a big hunt at the park and play. We realized it had been over a year since we’d been to their house. Wow…it was so good to see everyone again. Brayden’s other cousin turned 2 a few months back and it was precious to see them so happy to see one another. It was a gorgeous day and we loved having time to visit and enjoy the Easter festivities with family. Sunday marked Brayden’s first time to be back at Church in over a year. He loved getting to see all the familiar faces. Our hearts were warmed by all the encouraging smiles and hugs and reminders of prayer sent up on Brayden’s behalf over the past 11 months. We were sad to have to head home, but we knew Monday was another big day!

Today marked Brayden’s first FULL day back at school. He was so anxious last night planning his lunch to pack for the next day. Just getting to stay a whole day and getting to eat lunch with his friends was reason to celebrate. I’m still a bundle of nerves. We prepped with plans to make sure he’s cautious and using Clorox wipes, Germ-X, and washing his hands correctly throughout the day. I know the risks with having him in school yet we know the benefits for him being there are so substantial. He’s no longer in his little bubble with me each day. I’m praying he has endurance to make it through a long day. I pray his stamina holds out without him having to over-do it to keep up with his friends at recess. Then after the school day, we’ll go directly to the local clinic to check his blood counts and have his monthly chemo cycle administered. The new normal for all of us…sitting at work wondering if he’s okay and how he’s doing and what he’s thinking still knowing the chemo continues and the battle rages on against his body. I hope the worry subsides as we settle in more to our new normal.

It’s been an incredible week. I was reading another Mom’s words as they fight with their daughter and identified so intimately with her words resonating about time. Cancer steals time and you wake up and think it should be the start of the school year…it’s the end. I’m glad he’s going back but did we really lose a year? Are there really only 7 weeks left? I’m trying to frame it in my head that we gained a year in a very special way vs. wrapping my brain around the time that has passed. The time aspect has been hitting me especially hard in such an emotional way lately. I guess it’s the realization how quickly he’s growing up. Spring is here again and it feels like time stood still in some ways for us since last Spring’s changes. We felt like we missed summer and it’s crazy to think it’s circling back again. I was fortunate to give blood at another ACH family’s drive last week. It was wonderful to see the tremendous response they were able to receive. I had been unable to give at Brayden’s Blood Drive in December because of him having to be in un-planned Isolation. It was so fulfilling to be able to give back in such a personal way and realize how much this means to our family and others. Brayden was so protective when I got back home and checking out my wound! It’s nothing compared to what he has to endure yet seeing him so protective of what little I endured caused me to wonder when he will truly grasp the gravity of all he has been through. We try to protect him from so much as well as those of you who follow his journey here. There are still so many moments we hold our breath and pray for the miracle to continue – that Brayden’s response to treatment will continue to remain positive and that his protection from all that he’s endured will remain. I try to push all the fear aside and continue to live each day. Even while some things seem so tedious like taxes, work, bills and school – I try to focus on the little moments in life and not take any of those for granted.